Monthly Archives: January 2015

The “I Really Love You” Valentine

Leave a reply

Here’s an idea for Valentine’s Day that you husbands may not have considered. Unlike many of the gifts you’ve been conditioned to equate with love, this gift won’t cost you any money . In fact, you will reap rewards far beyond your expectations. It’s the gift of financial intimacy with your wife.

How do you give this gift of financial intimacy? Technically, it’s not so much a gift as a restoration of basic marital rights. When you’re a married couple, each of you has the right to know what’s going on financially in the marriage. You’re a legal partnership and partners share financial information.

A financial intimacy valentine will show your wife that she is an equal partner in your marriage. This gift is exceptionally welcomed by wives whose husbands control the marital finances and don’t want their wife messing around in them.

So here’s my idea. Buy your beloved wife the chocolates, flowers and an inexpensive bauble that won’t stretch your joint budget .
When you say “I love you’, prove it. Open the financial records and bare all.

Tell your wife that you want her to know everything that’s going on financially in your marriage in case something happens to you. Tell her you don’t want her to be in a financial mess if she finds herself having to cope on her own. Share your password on the computer if your financial records are stored on it.

That’s love. It’s says you’re a team. That’s financial intimacy. In my book, it beats jewelry you bought on credit cards that she’ll be paying off with you long after Valentine’s Day is over.

Abusers Hide Behind Valentines

Leave a reply

Valentine’s Day will soon be here accompanied by the buying frenzy of flowers, jewelry, sexy lingerie, chocolates and other gifts we’ve been told equate with love.

Culturally, women are so conditioned to respond to Valentine’s Day that even in financially abusive relationships, receiving a Valentine gift or card from their  lover or spouse renews a woman’s hope for a loving future together.

Women tell themselves “he must love me, look at that lovely card and present, he wouldn’t do that for me if he didn’t love me”, and so on. They might think “he’s sorry about the things he’s done, and now he’s showing me he loves me by making Valentine’s Day special for us.”

I wish that was true. Unfortunately, that’s romantic thinking, not reality. A financial abuser before Valentine’s Day is the same financial abuser afterwards. He’s just buying time until the next round.

In public, this abuser can be charming, an upstanding member of the community, the life of the party. Privately, he may be a control freak with the intent to isolate his wife into a state of total financial dependence.

That’s why it’s important for women to understand that financial control can be a precursor to future physical abuse. Women find out too late that the husband or boyfriend who won’t talk about money is saying “I’m in charge here and I refuse to discuss it”.

Signs of Financial Abuse

Controlling the finances.
Withholding money or credit cards.
Giving you an allowance.
Making you account for every penny you spend.
Stealing from you or using your money without asking.
Exploiting your assets for personal gain
Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly, etc.)

Remember: A financial abuser before Valentines Day is the same financial abuser the day after.
If something about your relationship with your husband or partner scares you and you need to talk, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to Http://www.nrcdv.org

Financial Abuse Still a Woman’s Problem

Leave a reply

Every year, thousands of people search the web for the phrase ‘financial abuse’. Many find their way to my website. I suspect most of those searches are by women.

They search for information because they are trapped in relationships in which they fear their mate, or don’t know their legal rights. Perhaps they fear for their children and don’t know where to get help. They also know that their mate is capable of escalated abuse.

That’s why it’s important for women to understand that financial control can be a precursor to future physical and emotional abuse. Women find out too late that the husband or boyfriend won’t talk about money. He is really saying “I’m in charge here”.

Many wives suffer in silence, thinking that such controlling behavior is a personality quirk. It’s not a quirk; it’s a sign and you should pay attention to it.  It’s not protective; it’s not loving. It’s a desire to control the relationship. If you’re married,  you are legally entitled to know what’s happening financially in your marriage.

You may know someone who you suspect is financially abused. On the other hand, you may not know that your neighbor, acquaintance or friend is a financial hostage because she won’t tell you. She’s afraid to rock the boat, fearful for her children, knowing that her hands are tied financially.

You may know her husband, and never suspect a thing. He’s not out of control or under the influence of drugs or alcohol. He can be charming, an upstanding member of the community, the life of the party. He can also be a control freak with the intent to isolate his wife into a state of total financial dependence.

Beware these Signs of Financial Abuse

Controlling the finances.
Withholding money or credit cards.
Giving you an allowance.
Making you account for every penny you spend.
Stealing from you or using your money without asking.
Exploiting your assets for personal gain
Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).
Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.
Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly, etc.)

If something about your relationship with your husband or partner scares you and you need to talk, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to http://www.nrcdv.org
If you know someone who needs this information, please pass it on. It could be a life saver for her.