Protecting Seniors from ‘Senior’ Advisors

Leave a reply

Be wary of any financial professional with letters after his or her name, especially those who designate themselves as a ‘senior advisor’.

According to a new report from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau’s Office of Older Americans, Americans over 60 make up 15 percent of the population, but are estimated to account for 30 percent of investment fraud victims. Older people may have money they have saved for retirement, and cognitive decline may make them more vulnerable. They are also more likely to rely on recommendations from someone with a “senior advisor” credential.

That’s the problem. There are currently more than 50 “senior certification” designations in use. Who can tell the difference between  A.R.A., an A.R.P.C., a C.S.A. or a C.R.F.A.?

The Bureau estimates that “tens of thousands” of professionals, including financial advisers, brokers and insurance agents, use some sort of senior credential. That means older adults will continue to be vulnerable to bad advice and even outright fraud.

Initials tell you nothing about a financial advisor’s training .  Some credentials require a specific level of coursework, but others don’t require any.You can find out about the background of thousands of registered investment advisors at  http://www.sec.gov/answers/iapd.htm.

 

 

 

The Wedding To-Do List

Leave a reply

Just about now, millions of May and June brides have a to- do checklist about details for the wedding. Gift registry, venue, invitations, music, reception menu, favors, flowers,   bridesmaid’s dresses, wedding gown, tuxedo, cake, rings, photographer, videographer…All the stuff that modern brides believe they must have.

I’ll bet that if I checked the to do-list of a million of those brides, I wouldn’t find a reference to FICO scores, budgets, premarital financial counseling, checking accounts, community or separate property or any other aspects of the financial life the couple will share.

The soon to be marrieds may never have had The Conversation, or any conversation, about money and how they will handle it in their marriage. They may be counting on their love to handle any conflicts that come up about money.

She may not want to anger him by bringing up the money subject – again. He may not know how vital it is to discuss money. If they can’t do it before marriage, it will only be more uncomfortable for them as husband and wife.

No one enters marriage believing they will be part of the one third of couples who divorce. Bathed in love, fantasy and hope, too many newlyweds take one of the biggest steps in their life with less preparation about their ‘job’ than McDonald’s workers get.

I recently met a bride to be who assured me everything would probably work out all right because they both had their own credit cards, and their plan was to pay things off slowly. I didn’t know where to start explaining that this wasn’t a good plan. All I could do was hand her a copy of my book. Hopefully, she’ll read it as part of her wedding to do list.

 

 

Divorce as Opening to Friendship

Leave a reply

Divorce doesn’t have to be a battleground. What we need is a different frame of reference.

When my first husband and I divorced after 18 years, we realized we were two perfectly fine individuals who just couldn’t make it together. He was a good man; I was a good woman. We grew apart over the years and no longer shared the same values, interests or desires.

No one was to blame. We didn’t have to cast each other in the role of villain. Neither of us was victimized. We shared responsibility for not trying harder to keep our marriage intact. Our children endured the pain of divorce. At the time, neither of us knew how to ease that.

A few years after our divorce, my ex met a woman who is perfect for him. They are still married after 25 years. She was wonderful to our girls, and to me. I liked her and included her in family events.  My second husband liked that we all got along. His ex-wife didn’t think that was all right, so she wasn’t part of our life.

My ex and his wife are still an integral part of our small family. I love them both. It took a while for their friends to understand how exes could remain so close. On the other hand, I don’t understand how people who divorce spend years vilifying and blaming their ex, especially to their children.

When a marriage doesn’t work out, it’s easier to blame than to accept responsibility. Imperfect people with unmet needs marry each other and expect that their mate will make them happy. That’s the subtext in the fine print. I used to believe that too. So maybe the question to ask after divorce is “How did I grow from this experience and what have I learned about myself?”

That’s why the growing trend towards collaborative divorce is so encouraging. http://www.collaborative-law.com/

Divorce can be the beginning of friendship. Don’t treat it as the end.

 

 

 

http://www.collaborative-law.com/

Here Comes the Bride

Leave a reply

Hilary Price, a wonderful cartoonist, has a drawing in which a man is kneeling in front of a woman, holding an open jewelry box with an engagement ring. He is saying, “Let’s assume each other’s debt. Trade in our independence for security and societal approval and celebrate with an event that will have cost overruns in the thousands.

I’ve been accused of being cynical, a spoil sport who doesn’t believe in romance. Someone who wants  to take the romance out of weddings. Not so. I want something much more important. I want to put the intimacy back in.

What’s so romantic about starting married life with thousands of dollars in debt due to wedding bills paid for with credit cards? It’s not romantic when bride and groom are still paying off the bride’s perfect wedding as they prepare for the arrival of baby.

It’s not the groom who amasses the cost overruns. All he wants is to get out of there and get on to the honeymoon. But the bride has believed from the time she played Barbie’s Fantasy Wedding that a ‘perfect’ wedding guarantees ‘happily ever after’.

Sometimes that works; more often it doesn’t. How much more loving and mature would this couple be if they traded in romantic thinking about wedding costs for a financially intimate look at what they can really afford?

 

Sheryl Sandberg Has No Interest in Money

Leave a reply

How much money does it take before you lose interest in money? Maybe Sheryl Sandberg is there. In a cover story in Time Magazine this week, she and her husband Dave Goldberg show the world how she manages to have it all.

Sandberg urges women to negotiate shared household duties with their spouses early and often. “We have areas of responsibility. I do travel. I do anything electronic, computers, cars,” says Goldberg. “I do photos and videos. We share the child care 50-50. Although it’s not like we keep score.” And he does the finances. Since Facebook went public, his wife has cashed out about $90 million worth of shares, according to a schedule that was set before the IPO, and she still has almost 18 million shares left. But she demurs when asked how much she’s worth, claiming that that’s Goldberg’s area. “He manages our money,” she says. “I have essentially no interest.” 

http://www.time.com/time/covers/0,16641,20130318,00.html

I have been encouraging women to understand their marital finances and participate with their husband in sharing all financial information. But I’ll give Sandberg a pass. There comes a point when you know there’s so much more where that came from that she’s not in danger of ever running out.

 

Three Dangerous Words at Tax Time

Leave a reply

It’s one month from tax time. If you’re like most wives I know, you’ll let your husband consult with the accountant. You have too many other things to do, and besides, you’re not interested in all those forms.

Big mistake, because your signature is required to file the joint income tax return. Your signature means you read it, understood it and agreed with the information.

I used to be like that. My husband would say ‘Sign here, Honey’ and I’d sign. I trusted him. I thought he knew more about finances than I did. Turns out, the whole thing wasn’t rocket science. You just have to learn how to read the columns.

Your husband isn’t necessarily trying to hide things from you by taking the responsibility for it. Someone has to do it.

So ask him to explain what the numbers mean. If an accountant is doing your taxes, attend the meeting with your husband. Ask questions if you don’t understand something. Your accountant can explain things that your husband often doesn’t understand himself. Your husband might be relieved that you’re finally taking an interest in your marital finances.

“Sign here Honey” may be three little words which can hurt you if you are ever divorced or widowed.

Trust, Husbands and Financial Advisors

Leave a reply

A woman called into a talk show where the topic was marital fidelity.Saying she was done with men, the caller ended her commentary by asking “If you can’t trust the person who takes a marriage vow with you, whom can you trust?”

I thought about her question as it applies to two professions dealing with money- financial advice and accounting. No financial advisor takes a vow before taking us on as a client. We can’t check a track record because the names of clients are confidential. We have no way of knowing how well the advisor does in an economic downturn.

Bottom line, we’re working on trust – giving our money to a firm or individual whose caveat is that past performance is no indication of future results and counsels us on the risks of investment. The certificates on the office wall testify to completion of a course of study, not a grade for performance.

The same holds true for the accounting profession. Most accountants are good at what they do. But they depend on accurate input from us to help us with our tax return. The accountant signs the return based on trust that we’ve provided all the information we’re required to provide. If we’re filing a joint tax return and most of the financial information is handled by our husband because we don’t “do taxes”, we have to trust he has provided accurate information.

Trust is involved in a transaction with someone when we do not have full knowledge about them, their intent, and the things they are offering us. However, when it comes to marriage, which requires no study, no training and nothing but a vow, trust is used interchangeably with love. Unfortunately, love is not a course of study and no one gets a diploma in the subject.

Widowhood and Divorce Biggest Stressors

Leave a reply

You may have suspected it. The SRRS confirms it.
Stress correlates directly and measurably with the chance of getting sick. 

Developed by Dr. Thomas Holmes at the University of Washington State Medical School, the Social Readjustment Rating Scale (SRRS) assigns rankings to life changing events. Death of a spouse and divorce rank at the top of the list.

Combined with the other factors on the chart that are natural companions to widowhood, the combined score of a widow catapults off the charts.

Divorce typically doesn’t happen without warning.  Not so for widowhood. Within the space of a heartbeat, you can be widowed. A plane or car crash. A fall from a ladder. A boating or skiing accident. A heart attack. Your world turns upside down. Your social status changes; your family pressures increase. Financial pressures can push your nervous system beyond your ability to cope.

For the first time in your life, you may now be faced with financial decisions. Your husband may have wanted you to be involved in the marital finances, but you let him do it, saying you were too busy or not interested.

Perhaps you were married to an optimist who refused to face his mortality, who told you not to worry, that nothing would happen to him. You may have been worried sick (metaphors do apply here) about how you would cope on your own if something happened to your husband, but you never took any action to make sure you had the financial information you now need.

In short, you may be totally unaware of what you’re facing as you now have to manage things on your own.
Ultimately, the only thing you can control is to plan for the things you can’t control.  If you’re not familiar with the finances in your family, not just the household budget, but all the marital finances, get involved.

If I were your husband, and I loved you, I’d nag you to participate and understand the finances. After all the hard work we did, I’d hate to see you blow it all after I’m gone.

Control Freak or Financial Abuse?

Leave a reply

I’ve written about this before, but women I know keep running into it. It bears repeating.

One of the earliest signs of future abusive behavior in marriage is financial control. A husband controls the purse strings, refusing to share financial information with his wife but expecting that she account for every choice and every penny spent.

Many wives suffer in silence, telling themselves that their husband?s controlling behavior is a personality quirk.They may still have access to joint finances, reasonable mobility and buying choices. They are frustrated by their husband?s attitude and behavior, but they don?t live with a gnawing sense of fear.

Financial abuse is different.

It is behavior designed to isolate a woman into a state of complete financial dependence. The most important thing to remember about financial abuse is that the abuser is not out of control. He can, at the drop of a hat, change his behavior to suit the social circumstances. He can be charming and persuasive, but his objective is to isolate his partner and make her dependence on him total.He is deliberately choosing to control his partner’s behavior by cutting off her access to money, mobility and choice.

Financial abuse can often lead to physical abuse as well. It happens within all age ranges, educational levels, ethnic backgrounds, and financial levels. The rich socialite who lives in the largest house in the best neighborhood is as likely to be a victim of financial abuse as the poorest wife in the toughest section of town.

The thing to remember about financial abuse is that it often precedes emotional, verbal and ultimately physical abuse. Here are some signs to watch out for:

Controlling the finances.

Withholding money or credit cards.

Giving you an allowance.

Making you account for every penny you spend.

Stealing from you or taking your money.

Using your assets for his personal benefit.

Withholding basic necessities (food, clothes, medications, shelter).

Preventing you from working or choosing your own career.

Sabotaging your job (making you miss work or calling constantly, etc.)

If something about your relationship with your husband or partner scares you and you need to talk, you can get help by contacting the following:

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to http://www.nrcdv.org.

This website lists the numbers and locations of domestic violence hotlines for the 50 states.

FICO Scores Don’t Lie

Leave a reply

You’re in love. He’s perfect. Likes the same things you do. You have fun together. You can stay up all night talking. The chemistry is unbelievable. Finally, a man who shares your values about life, work, children, family. You want to spend the rest of your life with him.

So now it’s time to talk about money, you know, beliefs, attitudes, expectations  and yes, FICO scores. You resist. How boring. Where do credit ratings fit into this picture of love? This is the conversation you really don’t want to have. But you have to have it.

Your score is 815. His is 682. FICO scores don’t lie. You’re a good credit risk and he’s not. His history with money is very different from yours…and so much of your shared future involves how you handle money.

Credit scores are a fast transparent look at how we conduct our money life. How much credit do we use? How much do we owe? How promptly do we repay our loans? How much do we repay at a time? How many late charges do we incur? What is our interest rate?

You know a lower FICO score equals a higher risk for lenders. That means higher interest rates for insurance, mortgages, credit lines. No, they don’t really know the man you love, and if they did, they’d know how perfect he is for you.

But maybe those lenders know something you don’t. They’ve seen millions of people raise their FICO score when they start paying attention to the details. Maybe it would be a good idea before you say “I Do” to have this man you love demonstrate to you that he can raise his score.

It may not be romantic, but it’s definitely intimate…and a lot safer.

Financial Intimacy – protecting your financial interests in marriage